My old blogs

I went through some of my ol blogs last night - my thoughtful brother wanted to print the one I wrote about my grandma to give to her. I wanted her to have some additional ones so hence the flipping through. I have been seriously considering shutting my blog down because I just don't seem to have the inspiration to continue it. I think I might have found my inspiration in my old ones. I am so, so glad I wrote all of these. I have never successfully kept a diary, but this has been like a diary to me. Just a place to talk, a place to think things out, a place to record things about Anna. I didn't even realize how much of myself I had put into this thing. How much of the last couple years are reflected in these "pages". So now, I want to keep it up. I may not always make sense, and I don't always have things thought all the way through when I post them, but they're honest (for the most part- only the occasional omission) and they are a part of my soul - out there for all to see. And out there for me to revisit. I've been in hiding the last couple of ...oh geez.. I don't even know- 3 -4 mos? Life's just been hard, overwhelming, tiring. Not trying to be a complainer- I know how blessed I am, how much good there has been also, and how much worse it could be. But I've been hiding a lot too. So, I think I have some new blog ideas lined up- so stay posted!

Untitled

(I untitled this post just to have a title for my brother ;) and I couldn't think of a good title so there ya go)



So I have noticed something about myself lately- I am crying a LOT lately. Not like crying my eyes out crying- more like tearing up over the strangest, smallest things. A commercial, a Handy Manny show (which for you non-mothers out there- is a childrens show that includes absolutely NOTHING that should be cried over), a book, a flower, one of my favorite shows, whatever. It's a little weird. I'm not upset crying- just like overflowing with emotions. I almost feel like part of my old personality is coming back to life a little. I used to be much more openly sentimental and emotional and .... I don't know- feeling, maybe? But over the years, with some of the troubles of life, I feel like I kinda shut down that part of myself. Shut down the part that is too easily hurt and feels too deeply. I kinda got into the habit of thinking "crying isn't gonna help so quit it already". So maybe that feeling part of me is coming back a little. I tend to attribute this a lot to my change in my "life's path". I have a great deal of hope and happiness that is raising its head (very cautiously you understand- ha!) because of the possibilities of my future. Which is a good thing. The crying over the possible removal of my child's changing table pad from her room- maybe excessive?

Potty Training is a bitc..... :)

It's ok- I left the last letter off so it's not actually cussing. Those of you that know me, know my sneaky little tricks for getting the thought out without using the actual word. Most people think this is the same as actually saying the word but those people aren't rule followers so they don't realize that as long as you don't technically break the "rule" you're in the clear. This also applies to spelling out a cuss word instead of just saying it. Doesn't count. As for a 30-something year old woman still being worried about cussing...well... mostly I'm still scared of my momma. :) And I don't do it all the often so don't go calling my mom on me! ha!

Ok on to the actual reason for the post...

I have put off potty training til the last possible minute. Don't judge me. This is one area of parenthood that I readily admit I have very little patience for. Not patience for Anna mind you. She's actually doing great. I just don't have a lot of patience for the whole process. It is so much easier to slip a pull up on her and let her go! I know, I know. Don't judge me! I have been "laying the foundations" (fancy way of saying just doing it halfway when its convenient) for about 3 mos now. We have been taking her to the potty and putting her in big girl underwear, etc for a while now. But we are finally buckling down and doing actual full time training now. And it actually hasn't been that bad at all. We have had some accidents this week- the first day at naptime I was not right next to her (first mistake) and for some unknown reason she pulled off all her clothes and peed right on my bed. So that was super fun. Then the next day, I pulled off her undies and sent her in (on her own- apparently I don't learn) to the potty chair. She peed right on the floor. And it was a lot of pee! And you all saw the underwear on the head picture. And we have eaten a LOT of candy the last 3 days as rewards...or bribes- whichever word you prefer. But other than that she is doing quite well- I am very pleased with her- not so pleased with my own self. But hey, can't be perfect all the time right? There's gotta be something that I slack on! Oh who am I kidding- there is no excuse. But I am getting it done so quit judging me!

My Grandma Ginny

I am a lot late getting this blog out since Grandma's birthday was the beginning of the month. But since it's still March, I'm counting it all good. :)

When I think about my Grandma Ginny, my thoughts are always in pictures rather than words. Pictures that capture special times with her- some of them just a flash - just remembering a special minute or two in her company. And some of them are much longer- conversations we shared or memories of a week spent at her house. I'm going to write this blog a little differently than the other ones I have written and just tell you some of my favorite things/memories about Grandma one by one.

Things I will always remember about Grandma are:

~her blue glass collection.

~ how she tells stories, always with a richness to the people she is describing. I love listening to her tell me all the family history.

~how she always protected Papa- physically and emotionally- I saw her love for him literally lived out day to day in her every action and I never once heard her complain about the hours of care and concern she gave him. She never left his side when he needed her.

~her love of flowers and shopping for her deck flowers every year. One year she let me help her pick out some of the flowers- we had little purple ones that were so pretty and dainty!

her generosity to anyone and everyone that needed it- from neighbors to family to friends and their kids- I have seen her gather such great quantities of desperately needed things that it can be astounding how much one person can do. She taught me a lot about kindness to people, both in need or just for special occasions.

~how proud she was of her the job she did for her company and the respect people had for her. I admire how ahead of her time she was as far as making a career for herself that she take pride in and help provide for her family.

~how she always encouraged us to do well in school and in life, to respect our parents, to take care of each other, of how blessed we are to have parents like ours.

~how much she loves to talk! Grandma and I can literally sit and talk things to death, and then keep going just for the fun of it.

~how much she enjoys decorating and "doing her flowers" .

~her love for her family. She put flowers on the graves of her family members for years and years until it was just too much to keep up with. That for some reason always left a deep impression on me.

~her hamburgers .... mmm... so salty~ (which are the best ever- sorry Adam).

~making strawberry shortcake with her.

~her making a chocolate pie and cooking an egg yolk in it whole.

~her lifelong friendship with her best friend.

~how clean and neat and just generally kept up her house always has been- conveyed a pride of ownership and a responsibility that comes along with that ownership. We kids still laugh today about how when Grandma Ginny was coming to visit, your room had better be clean! I can see me as a young girl, "arranging" all my little decorations in special new ways so Grandma would notice and say something nice about them. She always noticed.

~how much she loved to give parties- that woman could throw together a party faster than anyone I've ever seen!

~I will always remember every room in her house.

~ how she loves to bargain shop! I swear she has some sort of special sense for bargains. She used to make me carry around everything around the store once before I decided for sure if I wanted it. Half the time I put it back after about 10 steps. I still do that to this day.

~how much we anticipated a visit from Grandma and Papa. They were always late and we haunted the door til they got there. They came in like a whirlwind, bringing in presents and yummy food!

~eating at the Heritage every time they came to town. She always ordered a piece of cheesecake, cantelope, macaroni and cheese, and a glass of milk. Probably other stuff too but that's what I remember. Papa used to eat custard in a little tiny glass. Weird the stuff you remember.

~picking out one "big gift" and then several small ones.

~how she makes friends with the regulars at her favorite stores.

~how she loves the holidays and makes a big deal out of them, which made it even more fun for us.

~spending weeks with her and Papa in the summer and feeling so special and loved and spoiled!

Silly Anna strikes again

Some recent pictures of Anna being a silly almost 3 yr old.

Eating more sprinkles than cookie.

Eating cotton candy at the circus.

On stage yet again... this time there wasn't even a performance.

Luckily no audience either. They might have to put a gate up to keep her off the stage.

Sigh. Just sigh.

:-) This one I'll hold for blackmail.

Personality Profile

I took a personality profile (long story about why and I really should be studying so I won't tell it). Here's my results. I think they nailed me to a T except for the higher education being a chore...cause obviously- I love higher education. :) Oh and my home isn't beautifully furnished. ): Maybe one day when I have more time....

The Nurturer
As an ISFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you takes things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.
ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.
ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.
ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method.
ISFJs learn best by doing, rather than by reading about something in a book, or applying theory. For this reason, they are not likely to be found in fields which require a lot of conceptual analysis or theory. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for the ISFJ. The ISFJ learns a task best by being shown its practical application. Once the task is learned, and its practical importance is understood, the ISFJ will faithfully and tirelessly carry through the task to completion. The ISFJ is extremely dependable.
The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. They make extremely good interior decorators. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.
More so than other types, ISFJs are extremely aware of their own internal feelings, as well as other people's feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Many ISFJs learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions.
Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.
The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. The ISFJ needs to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.
ISFJs need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, the ISFJ gets discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that "everything is all wrong", or "I can't do anything right".
The ISFJ is warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others.

Please don't turn me into DFS

Anna is sitting here at 10:40 watching cartoons. We have been through the entire "tricks to get Anna to sleep" about 10 times tonight and her little eyes were not even drooping. So I gave up and let her watch her favorite cartoon. I was working on another blog that is giving me some troubles at the moment and got a little distracted. I just looked up and the little stinker has climbed completely out of bed, and went over to sit in the chair right in front of the tv. After being told to lay down on her pillow and not move. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the sneakiness.

Icing

I'm blogging while Anna's in the tub playing. Why is she in the tub at 12:00 in the afternoon you ask? Why because she has icing in her hair! Somehow she managed to get icing from the beater I gave her to lick -into her hair -on the back of her head. Talented kid! :)

So bathtime in the middle of the day. She loves to play in the water though so she's happy.

My hands stink like dissected cat!

Cut open my poor little kitty today. Actually it was kind've a big kitty. And actually - it wasn't MY cat- my cat is alive and well, laying down on my feet.

It was a little boring tonight- we were working on identifying all the muscles. And let me tell you, funnily enough- the actual cat doesn't have all the different parts neatly colored and labeled for you like they do in the book. ;) I don't love muscles. I like the innards and bones a lot better.

I just washed my hands in listerine. I don't have any rubbing alcohol in the house and that smell was making me urgh-y. Not sure that will work- and actually I hate the smell of listerine but I suppose its better than formaldehyde. ok now I just stink in a different way. I might have to double up on the gloves.

Guess what I'm doing tonight!

We start cat dissection tonight! And aside from the fact that I love kitties and don't really like them to be dead... I am very excited to start cutting! Maybe I should have been a surgeon :) Nah. But I am looking forward to seeing all the innards. Anyone want me to post pics? :)

blogging

I haven't done a very good job of keeping up with my blogging lately. In fact, I thought about shutting it down. I think, though, that the reason I quit was because I quit using it as an outlet and started worrying about having "interesting" things to write about. So, I'm going back to just writing whatever is in my head. And you can read it or not! :)

I finally got my lab practical score- 93! Don't tell me the high score is usually 80-85! That's like a direct challenge in my book. :) Actually, to be honest, now that I'm over my relief that I got an A, I am kinda irritated that it's a low A. I know. You don't have to say anything. I like A's but I like high A's better. I'm usually pretty irritated when I don't get over 95%. Might have to let that go when I get in actual nursing school!

Speaking of nursing school, I am getting so excited about getting in and actually getting started. I can see the light! At the end of the tunnel I mean. I went to a nursing expo thing at a nursing school here in town and it really made me excited about all the possibilities open to me and the places I can go. I want to try so many depts and there is such a need for nurses right now. The more I think about everything and the more I envision myself as a nurse, the more I feel an actual "calling" to this job. I have never had that before in my life and I don't typically trust things like that (for myself) so it is a nice to feel that I am where I am supposed to be. Or at least heading there. I might even end up with company at school! We are still working out all the details and the child care might become an issue for me, so I don't have any specifics of which school and exactly when I'll get started but at least I know where I am heading.

I get to go to my professor's vet clinic this thurs and watch her do surgeries. I am SO excited about that. I can't wait! I'll definitely report back on that. And if I see anything interesting I'll be sure to give you all the gross details. :)

Ok, now I gotta go work on my blog about my grandma that I never have finished!

Ok I do not pass along "forwards" all that often and I don't think I have ever posted one on my blog. But this one I really liked. In this yucky economy and hard times facing a lot of people- this made me smile.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember themayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began,wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.The golf balls are the important things; your family,your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.The same goes for life: If you spend all your time and energy on the small Stuff. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first;the Things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.'

Poor sick baby girl

Anna caught my nasty virus. I think Adam did too. What can I say? Mom taught me it was polite to share! Actually this latest virus had me so down that I actually told one friend to stay away til I was well so she didn't get it! I am STILL recovering from this round. Still have my stuffy nose, still have some of the dragging exhaustion. I put Anna to bed early tonight- well she's in bed technically. She's watching movies. But hey- at least she is resting a little. Poor baby- she wakes up crying at night from the discomfort. She seems to run fevers at night worse then during the day too. I hope she starts feeling better soon.

Daddy's little girl

Anna has been such a daddy's girl the last few months. The poor man can hardly get in the door before she is begging him to "play with me, Daddy!" Which of course he loves. :) It started with just her begging him to play and has rapidly morphed into "no mommy wanted"! If I try to come in whatever room they are playing in, she tells me in no uncertain terms to "go away, Mommy!", or "Don't come in here, Mommy!" Good for the ego, right? Ha! I tease him that he must be giving her money or something. :)

Here's some recent pictures of Anna and her Daddy. I was lucky that she let me get close enough to even take them!

Making Play-doh monsters

Coloring in "Uncle Brad's" room (yes Brad - that is how she refers to that room!)

Helping Daddy fix his heli

Helping Daddy fix his heli- she really wanted to fly it!

Even when he's eating ;)