Had a nice talk with a friend tonight. This post will make my husband slap his forehead, sigh, and say "haven't I told you that a million times? Why don't you ever listen to ME?" ha!
Anyways, she basically told me to calm down and quit being so freaking obsessive. :) Grade-wise I mean. Ok, more than just grade wise but that was what we were talking about specifically. I don't know where this compulsion to be perfect grade wise came from but it is WEARING ME DOWN man. Like to the point that I am having horrible anxiety when I go to pick up my notes for a test because "what if it doesn't go stick in my head!?!" and "What if I don't study the right things!?!" and "OMG, WHAT IF I DON'T MAKE AN .....gulp....A!?!" I've actually starting putting off studying til the last minute - not because I just don't want to study (cause obviously, I am a nerd and I enjoy studying....) but because I am so freaking anxious about it! Dont' get me wrong- I've had numerous people over the years tell me to slow down, not freak out so much, not be such a perfectionist with my grades, it's all the same degree even with B's, and my favorite "C's equal degrees!" It's just that in the past I could keep up with the frantic-ness of test times because that's all there was to what I was doing. This is just ... different. And I've also sacrificed (as Adam will gladly attest to) a lot of myself in the process. So, all that to say.... I've decided to take everyone's advice... and while of course trying to do my best and get my A's that I love so dearly, I am also going to HAVE to stop worrying so dang much about it and enjoy the process a little more... put some more time into other healthy habits that will only further my brain power :) and also some more time into things that make me happy. Cause dang... I'm gonna end up locked in the crazy house if I don't find another way to handle all this.
*official credit given to Adam for trying over and over to drill this into my head for years and years*
oh and since apparently it wasn't completely obvious *official credit given to Adam for telling me what the problem was with my gloves in a previous post* :) I'm gonna have to start listening to him more- as irritating as that is..... I hate it when he's right.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Spring break approaches!
Two more tests, 3 more days of class/clinicals-then a break! Yea! I can so use it- for real. Like right now. I'll settle for in a week. I have several projects brewing in this brain of mine- and only one of them is for school. Luckily that one is almost done due to smart thinking and non-procrastinating on our parts. :) I think it will surprise no one that housecleaning and organizing is top o' the list! I swear I organized every inch of this house before I started school. I distinctly remember doing it. And yet somehow, its like a tornado ripped through my home and threw everything in different rooms, drawers, closets, and cabinets. Talented tornado. I HATE feeling disorganized. I always have the best of intentions after a good organizing fit that I will never again fail to put something back, clean as I go, and prevent messes before they get out of hand. Not really sure what happens there.... I just went in to pick up Anna's room before bedtime and it is such a disaster area that all I can really do is pick it up to make it technically "tidy". Cause it would take several hours to put each and every small and teeny tiny toy, animal, phone, sock, doll, paper, bottle, necklace, pom-pom, and letter magnet back in the specific spot that it belongs as opposed to just whatever toy box or drawer is nearest. I'm one of those people that really much prefers every toy to be with toys of that general (or sometimes quite specific) nature. For instance, her 3,472 little toy animals all belong in one of 3 small boxes underneath her Little People Zoo. And all doll related items and dolls themselves belong in the closet- either nicely laid in cribs or in the highchair or in the toy box in the for that purpose. All all toy kitchen items belong nicely put into whichever area of said kitchen that I have designated for them- ie root vegetables in the bottom basket, fruit in a bowl on the counter, cold items in the fridge. It all makes sense. I guess just not to an almost 4 year old! :)
This is realistically the only project I will have time for over a weeklong break considering the fact that I really do need some rest. That is said with as little overdramatization as possible. I'm exhausted. I will admit to being one of those people that really likes to sleep and sometimes I do overstate my need for rest. Not so much this time. And Anna really does need some good momma/Anna time. And some outdoor play time. Poor kid- she is ready to play at a park for several days in a row! I hope its nice so we can fit some of that in. Maybe it'll even be nice enough for the zoo- she'd love that!
Maybe I'll have time to at least get a start on some of the other things I would like to do between now and next fall. I want to completely redo my kitchen and living room decor. The playroom needs some tweaking as my memory board didn't hold the pictures as well as I'd like. Some extra glue should take care of that. This summer I am painting the entire house. I know- ugh. But it REALLY needs it BAD. Same basic color scheme except in the hall bathroom. Will probably change the main wall colors just a tad. I have big ideas for working with Anna this summer- Adam got a book to help me teach her how to read. I read well myself so you'd think I'd having teaching someone else to read down pat. Not so- I have absolutely no idea how to proceed. She knows her letters, knows a lot of what they say, is learning how to write them (and doing quite well if I do say so myself). Now we just need to put it all together! We're also going to learn all about animals this summer-so I need to sit down and work up some sort of a basic lesson plan to keep me on track. Anyway, all that to say, that I have lots of things I can be pondering on over the break to get a jump start on the summer.
I won't lie though- I'm doing some being lazy over break too. If it's nice I'm letting Anna run wild outside while I sit in my comfy outside chairs with a book. Ahh..... I love breaks!
This is realistically the only project I will have time for over a weeklong break considering the fact that I really do need some rest. That is said with as little overdramatization as possible. I'm exhausted. I will admit to being one of those people that really likes to sleep and sometimes I do overstate my need for rest. Not so much this time. And Anna really does need some good momma/Anna time. And some outdoor play time. Poor kid- she is ready to play at a park for several days in a row! I hope its nice so we can fit some of that in. Maybe it'll even be nice enough for the zoo- she'd love that!
Maybe I'll have time to at least get a start on some of the other things I would like to do between now and next fall. I want to completely redo my kitchen and living room decor. The playroom needs some tweaking as my memory board didn't hold the pictures as well as I'd like. Some extra glue should take care of that. This summer I am painting the entire house. I know- ugh. But it REALLY needs it BAD. Same basic color scheme except in the hall bathroom. Will probably change the main wall colors just a tad. I have big ideas for working with Anna this summer- Adam got a book to help me teach her how to read. I read well myself so you'd think I'd having teaching someone else to read down pat. Not so- I have absolutely no idea how to proceed. She knows her letters, knows a lot of what they say, is learning how to write them (and doing quite well if I do say so myself). Now we just need to put it all together! We're also going to learn all about animals this summer-so I need to sit down and work up some sort of a basic lesson plan to keep me on track. Anyway, all that to say, that I have lots of things I can be pondering on over the break to get a jump start on the summer.
I won't lie though- I'm doing some being lazy over break too. If it's nice I'm letting Anna run wild outside while I sit in my comfy outside chairs with a book. Ahh..... I love breaks!
Changes
This probably isn't a normal blog I'd let "out there" but it's kinda giving me writers block. Every time I sit down to blog, all I can think to type is what seems to be dwelling in that deep inside part of you that makes your stomach hurt, and your brain tired. Maybe if I actually give it voice, write it down, then the sharpness of it will begin to work itself out.
This seems to be a huge time of change in my life. Not something I've ever been a huge fan of- Change. Some of the changes are good- great even. And I'm so thankful for those. Those are the ones I usually try to talk about. This time though.... I think I need to talk about the ones that are crappy.
I'm missing parts and pieces of some major friendships that I have deeply cherished. Some of it is from time, some of it is from circumstances moving people physically away from me, some of it is just from people and lives changing. None of it is anyone's fault, I'm not naive- I realize life happens. Sometimes I can see down the road a bit further and I think that maybe it will all be for good eventually. Force me out of my shell, force me to make some good changes in myself, make room for new friendships. But for right now it does still suck. And it makes me sad. I just miss the way things were.
So there's my little whine. Sorry for being sad publicly. But's its still my blog....and sometimes its my outlet.
This seems to be a huge time of change in my life. Not something I've ever been a huge fan of- Change. Some of the changes are good- great even. And I'm so thankful for those. Those are the ones I usually try to talk about. This time though.... I think I need to talk about the ones that are crappy.
I'm missing parts and pieces of some major friendships that I have deeply cherished. Some of it is from time, some of it is from circumstances moving people physically away from me, some of it is just from people and lives changing. None of it is anyone's fault, I'm not naive- I realize life happens. Sometimes I can see down the road a bit further and I think that maybe it will all be for good eventually. Force me out of my shell, force me to make some good changes in myself, make room for new friendships. But for right now it does still suck. And it makes me sad. I just miss the way things were.
So there's my little whine. Sorry for being sad publicly. But's its still my blog....and sometimes its my outlet.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Essay
I wrote this essay a few months ago for a scholarship for my nursing program. They sent out invitations to eligible people in the program then we had to provide letters of recommendation and an essay on why we wanted to be a nurse. Of course I managed to see only the part requesting an essay and set it aside to do a couple weeks before it was due. When I went to write the essay, I realized I had to have letters. Panic! I almost didn't even mess with it. That is a crazy thought. I did however, scramble around frantically and bother a bunch of people I have worked for, worked with, or been taught by. I am so grateful to everyone that wrote recomendations for me. After we turned all that in, 5 people were chosen for an interview. I had my interview this last Tuesday. There were 10 different people interviewing me- both from the college and from the hospital. The man that left the money to the hospital "had a soft spot" for nurses and left a multi-million dollar fund to educate nurses. It was interesting to meet everyone associated with the school and hospital.
I thought I'd post my winning essay on here. Since I'm sharing all stress and exhaustion and joy and embarrassment, I figured I'd share why I'm doing it all as well!
I thought I'd post my winning essay on here. Since I'm sharing all stress and exhaustion and joy and embarrassment, I figured I'd share why I'm doing it all as well!
I became interested in a nursing career while I was pregnant with my daughter. The care I received from nurses during my pregnancy deeply impressed me. I felt drawn to the profession and the possibility of ministry to women in need of a nurse they could feel comfortable with during a very emotional and vulnerable time. The seed of possibility was planted.
As I researched the profession and searched my own heart, I became even more excited about the avenues of both outreach and personal fulfillment that nursing offers. During this time, my grandfather became ill and was in and out of the hospital. Our family was thrown into the midst of the worry and uncertainty that inevitably follows hand in hand with a loved one's illness. We saw many nurses and aides during his stays and I gained a better understanding of just how great an impact that a nurse can have on the patient and the family.
I began my prerequisite classes with a quaking heart and fear in my throat that I would not be able to complete my classes after all the years out of college. I was excited, relieved and exhilarated to find that not only was I able to keep up with the work, I was able to excel. My second semester I completed my first anatomy and physiology class and I was completely hooked. I loved the coursework and the details of the human body.
Last summer, my beloved grandfather passed away after what was supposed to be a routine procedure. He was in the hospital and beginning to recover when his heart stopped. The team at the hospital that night was able to get his heart restarted but he never regained consciousness. We sat by his bedside for a few final days. The nurse in his critical care unit made the biggest impression on me. She was so very compassionate while dealing with the family and incredibly gentle and caring towards a man that in all actuality probably never even knew she was there. She was honest with me about his condition, but she spoke with such genuine empathy. I was so grateful to her for the concern she showed for my grandpa and for the dignity with which she accorded to him, even when he was unable to do one single thing for himself. This experience left me with a profound desire not only to be a nurse, but also to minister to people that are in need, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I continue to be incredibly excited about the different possibilities that a career in nursing offers. I hope to continue to learn throughout my career and to be able to hold onto the excitement that I feel now. My goal moving forward is to become both an excellent nurse and a compassionate caretaker to every patient. I believe this is the ministry that I have been called to and I sincerely hope that I never take that for granted.
Random
I have started around 6 different blogs that I lose inspiration for about 3 sentences in.... very irritating. They're all good ideas and I will get around to them eventually. I think I'm just tired. Well I know I'm tired- I think that's the reason I can't finish anything. Poor Anna has two very tired parents these days- Adam is working crazy hours at work and doesn't get much of a break. And I'm running around like a crazy person for school 3 days a week and the other four days are filled with Anna activities and other things that also make me run around like a crazy person. I think I"m already ready for spring break and then summer break. I do love my classes and such but its just constant - always something due or something to study..... or something to clean. Such is the life of a combo mom and student.
Anna is becoming quite the big girl on me. Sometimes I look at her and she seems like a completely different child. She's crazy tall- mom had to sew some material at the end of her jeans because she grew out of them lengthwise but isn't big enough in the waist and butt to keep the next sizes up. Ah to have that problem myself. The pants turned out super cute- my favorites are the ones with the striped pink and white material. A-dor-able. She is learning so much these days- mom and I are doing workbooks with her several times a week- writing ABC's, her name, learning to add, connecting the dots, finding the one that's different. I'm so proud of her - she loves to do her "homework" and she does it really well. I'm pretty convinced she's a genius ;) Some days its hard to believe the things that come out of that girl's mouth- she absorbs almost everything you tell her and she remembers it. She loves her gymnastics class and she LOVES her friends. We are both looking forward to summer when she can get out and run run run with all her friends.
School's going well- we learned to put in catheters this week. Yikes. Made an idiot of myself again. I'm not sure how it is that I can do the hard stuff almost perfectly.... and yet I can't get my sterile gloves on.... yep. That was embarrassing. Sterile gloves come all neatly packaged and you can only touch the outer one inch of the package when you open them. Then you can only touch the insides of the gloves when you put them on. Not that hard really. I did ok the first 2 times I practiced at school. Came home to practice and every da*n (doesn't count if you spell it or if you put a * in place of one of the letters) time one or more of my fingers would get completely stuck in the wrong finger of the glove. What the hell!!!! And it only seemed to happen on my left hand- the right one goes on just fine. Frustrating- seriously. Then Adam gets involved. Of course he is completely wrong about what the problem was. Obviously. So I go to clinical practice yesterday and make an idiot of myself trying to put them on in front of the instructor. She just looks at me completely puzzled and says "I've just never seen that happen before.... I guess just keep practicing?" Always what you want to hear. So I practice and practice- happens every time. Finally I mention that my husband had said something to the effect that it looked like I was either putting the wrong glove on the wrong hand or that I had one inside out since the thumbs looked like they were laying wrong. Now when you first open the sterile gloves they have powder on the inside but after you take them on and off a few times the powder is pretty much gone. So my instructor grabs my gloves, inspects them, and announces that in fact I DO have the left one inside out (I think the devil sneaked in my bag and turned it inside out just to torture me). We flip that bad boy around and well look at that.... slides right on. Sigh.
No big plans for today aside from housework, homework, laundry, and maybe some rest cause I feel like maybe the half of the school and instructors that have been hacking all over everything during class have finally succeeded in dragging me down with them. Ugh. I hate being sick.
Anna is becoming quite the big girl on me. Sometimes I look at her and she seems like a completely different child. She's crazy tall- mom had to sew some material at the end of her jeans because she grew out of them lengthwise but isn't big enough in the waist and butt to keep the next sizes up. Ah to have that problem myself. The pants turned out super cute- my favorites are the ones with the striped pink and white material. A-dor-able. She is learning so much these days- mom and I are doing workbooks with her several times a week- writing ABC's, her name, learning to add, connecting the dots, finding the one that's different. I'm so proud of her - she loves to do her "homework" and she does it really well. I'm pretty convinced she's a genius ;) Some days its hard to believe the things that come out of that girl's mouth- she absorbs almost everything you tell her and she remembers it. She loves her gymnastics class and she LOVES her friends. We are both looking forward to summer when she can get out and run run run with all her friends.
School's going well- we learned to put in catheters this week. Yikes. Made an idiot of myself again. I'm not sure how it is that I can do the hard stuff almost perfectly.... and yet I can't get my sterile gloves on.... yep. That was embarrassing. Sterile gloves come all neatly packaged and you can only touch the outer one inch of the package when you open them. Then you can only touch the insides of the gloves when you put them on. Not that hard really. I did ok the first 2 times I practiced at school. Came home to practice and every da*n (doesn't count if you spell it or if you put a * in place of one of the letters) time one or more of my fingers would get completely stuck in the wrong finger of the glove. What the hell!!!! And it only seemed to happen on my left hand- the right one goes on just fine. Frustrating- seriously. Then Adam gets involved. Of course he is completely wrong about what the problem was. Obviously. So I go to clinical practice yesterday and make an idiot of myself trying to put them on in front of the instructor. She just looks at me completely puzzled and says "I've just never seen that happen before.... I guess just keep practicing?" Always what you want to hear. So I practice and practice- happens every time. Finally I mention that my husband had said something to the effect that it looked like I was either putting the wrong glove on the wrong hand or that I had one inside out since the thumbs looked like they were laying wrong. Now when you first open the sterile gloves they have powder on the inside but after you take them on and off a few times the powder is pretty much gone. So my instructor grabs my gloves, inspects them, and announces that in fact I DO have the left one inside out (I think the devil sneaked in my bag and turned it inside out just to torture me). We flip that bad boy around and well look at that.... slides right on. Sigh.
No big plans for today aside from housework, homework, laundry, and maybe some rest cause I feel like maybe the half of the school and instructors that have been hacking all over everything during class have finally succeeded in dragging me down with them. Ugh. I hate being sick.
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