Open Letter

Dear Adam,

I hope that you are recovering from having to push your dumb wife's car to the gas station last night. I am sure that she is very sorry for being such a dumbhead as to run her car completely out of gas, until literally even the fumes were gone. I imagine that getting out in the freezing cold, with no coat, and pushing a heavy car with your wife in it, down to the gas station was very difficult. I suspect that this experience was made much, much worse by all the cars zooming past you on the very busy road that the car stopped dead on. I hope that you did not contract any frostbite or pneumonia from the extreme cold and physical exertion in the very cold air. I know any laughter that sprung from her lips was not intentional and not directed at you, and was just a product of the ridiculous situation that she had gotten you into, as opposed to just being laughter at the sight of you pushing the car down the road. And she most certainly was NOT laughing about all the cuss words streaming from your mouth. I also am very confident that she has learned a very valuable lesson from all your pain and irritation. Namely, that she should never ever take a chance on having enough gas to get home without filling up again. I hope that you can forgive your smackhead of a wife and chalk the retardedness up to too much stress. Maybe it would help to repeat "so much darkness" to yourself 5 times, breathing deeply after each time. Hopefully one day this will actually be just another funny memory to laugh about.

P.S. Perhaps Amber's Gas law should read something like this "Empty Gas Tank + Extreme Cold + Attempting to make it to the Gas Station = Very Angry and Tired Husband"

Sincerely,

Your Wife