Obviously, everyone reading this knows my life has taken a sudden and unexpected turn. I thought about just shutting down this blog since "IT" happened, since I haven't been terribly faithful at writing in it anyway,maybe I don't have anything left to say, maybe it will make people uncomfortable to read it, etc. Then I decided, no, I'm going to pick it back up. I always liked having it as an outlet, as a way to journal things for myself and for Anna. The things I have to say may have changed and they may make people uncomfortable but no one has to read it if they don't want to! So, I will continue to blog. I think I might have some interesting things to talk about as I reach the end of school, start a new career, find my place and perhaps even a little bit of myself. On my own.
For anyone who has never had a spouse leave them, well, it comes with a lot unpleasant emotions. Rejection, such sadness, doubt, fear. You wonder over and over "what did I do to deserves this?", "why does he hate me so much that he'd force me to go through this" "who am I without him?", things like that. You see other wives, some of whom demand things you've never demanded, acted in ways you'd never act, and they are cared for, loved and sometimes even adored by their spouse. And you wonder why? Why you? What did YOU do that was so wrong you are to be cast aside after years and years, like you don't even matter at all. It's hard. It's tough. It's gut wrenching and heart breaking.
Weird things bring that stab of pain, that tightening in my chest. Like watching King of Queens. Or suddenly remembering that now I'm no longer part of a marriage, part of a pair. The thought that maybe I'll be alone and lonely for the rest of my life.The fleeting normal thoughts of "I need to tell him _____" and then the remembering that no actually... you don't. Trying to wrap your brain around the fact that you aren't wanted.
Keeping an ever watchful eye on Anna for any speck of damage, worrying that she'll have a worse life because of this- thats the worst part. You want perfection for your kids. I can't give her that. I can't even give her a stable happy family life. At least not in the traditional sense. I hate that. Man do I hate that. The guilt is overwhelming at times.
However, in so many ways, I am so so blessed. I have parents who took me and Anna in without even a millisecond's hesitation. Not only did they take me in, they are going to such great lengths to make this a soft, easy place to stay ... and recover a bit. I don't know what I'd do without them. The rest of my family also. Sisters, brother, my in-laws, even my uncles. Everyone is so encouraging and so supportive. I have great friends that call and check on me- making sure I'm ok, seeing if I need to talk, taking me to dinner and movie just to make sure I'm laughing still. I've been lucky that so far, Adam and I have been able to be civil and even friendly, leaving open doors, working together to be fair to each other and to make things as great as they can be for Anna.
Anna has adjusted astonishingly well. Of course, she's in grandma and grandpa fairy land :) She is played with and loved on 24/7 from everyone around her. We've had our teary moments for sure and I'm sure there will be more but so far, she's done wonderfully well.
We are fixing up a very large room in my parents home for Anna and I to occupy. We're going to make it super girly and super colorful. Anna is thrilled. Purple walls, crazy rainbow color of accessories everywhere. I'm hoping to be able to pick up things cheaply here and there to add in the color for her so its a fun place to be. After all, its not often that you get to go back to having a space where it doesn't have to look "grown up". We're going to get organized and situated with all our belongings and then get back to the job of enjoying the summer off together. This is the last summer that we'll have so much time together. Next summer I'll be working. I've promised her a summer of swimming, scrapbooking, artwork, reading, playing, singing, and fun.
I have no idea what the future holds. I had to throw away all my "to do in the future" lists because that future doesn't exist anymore. But I'm making new lists, learning each day to be stronger. I'm taking the time to figure out who I want to be, how I want my daughter to see me handling adversity. I'm resting in the arms of my family. I'm making plans for the rest of the summer, for the jobs ahead that need doing. I'm learning how to celebrate things along the way. I'm storing up strength for the semester ahead. I'm learning to take one day at a time, learning to leave the future alone for now, to get through the task of this day, this hour. I'll get there. Not so much on my own as I thought.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Exhaustion
1. We've reached that point in the semester where you can't quite figure out where all the time went, but there's still way too much left and all you really know is that you'd like to lie down and not move for about a week.
2. I love my fellow nursing students - even the ones who won't shut up even though you're already 30 mins past the time you should have gone home, the ones that are complete know it alls, and the ones that are just complete messes.
3. Favorite quote from neuro lecture this week "whenever you have things poking in your brain, that's not good." Yes... it was my instructor.
4. My house looks like every drawer and hanger and closet threw up.
5. I'm super excited to be getting FREE lessons for Miss Molly! Oh, I guess I should add that she IS staying with us after all. A fellow mom from Anna's class is a fantastic dog trainer and she is working on a license so asked if I'd be interested in free lessons to me as they would count towards her hours. Uh... heck yeah!!
6. I kinda miss my crazy patients from the mental health facility.
7. I'm going to the NICU next week. It's an area I'm considering for my management next semester. Also high on the list is L and D. Adam says to go for it. I'm chosing the women's floor for my floor management as I think I'd prefer to stay in women's health or with the babies.
8. That's all I've got.
2. I love my fellow nursing students - even the ones who won't shut up even though you're already 30 mins past the time you should have gone home, the ones that are complete know it alls, and the ones that are just complete messes.
3. Favorite quote from neuro lecture this week "whenever you have things poking in your brain, that's not good." Yes... it was my instructor.
4. My house looks like every drawer and hanger and closet threw up.
5. I'm super excited to be getting FREE lessons for Miss Molly! Oh, I guess I should add that she IS staying with us after all. A fellow mom from Anna's class is a fantastic dog trainer and she is working on a license so asked if I'd be interested in free lessons to me as they would count towards her hours. Uh... heck yeah!!
6. I kinda miss my crazy patients from the mental health facility.
7. I'm going to the NICU next week. It's an area I'm considering for my management next semester. Also high on the list is L and D. Adam says to go for it. I'm chosing the women's floor for my floor management as I think I'd prefer to stay in women's health or with the babies.
8. That's all I've got.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Cats rule, dogs drool
So I think everyone that knows Adam and I know our current dilemma regarding Molly dog. Its not her fault- we are terrible dog people. Like no one should ever give us a dog again ever. The problem I've had with Molly is that she just hasn't ever seemed to grasp the concept of not pottying in my house!! Other than that she's actually the best dog. Doesn't bark, doesn't ever bite or anything. So, after a year of frustration and the poor dog spending way to much time in her bed because we couldn't trust her not to mess in the house, I finally decided to see just how attached to this dog Anna is. Lately, she's been doing a whole lot of screaming and crying when Molly is out because she either was eating her toys or jumping up and scratching her face, etc etc. In fact, she usually asked me to put her away about 5 mins after she was let out. So, I might have done some light convincing and even a smidgen of manipulation and a whole lot of bribing to convince her of what I already knew- she didn't really want this dog. Apparently I did a good job because she ended up proclaiming that she HATES the dog and wants her to go away right now. I promised her two kitties and a fish to make up for the fact that our hopes for a good dog didn't exactly work out. This worked out perfectly for me because kitties are obviously the best things ever. So, we put out the word about Molly needing a good home. Of course, I don't want her to just go to anyone- i want her to go to someone that will take better care of her than I do!
Well, about a week before I made the decision to attempt to find her another home, a friend showed me some training techniques with a clicker. She was using it to teach her not to jump up anymore. It worked so well and quickly that I started using it to see if it would help with our pottying outside situation. Ironically, I think it worked..... so now our biggest problem with keeping Molly is gone! But Anna now has her heart set on two new kitties- an orange one named Max and a black one named..well to be determined. And Adam has his heart set on no dog and no more of me being mad about having to deal with her and no more of Anna screaming. Poor Adam. And of course, I am kinda thinking I'd like to keep Molly now....
I'll keep you updated.... :)
Well, about a week before I made the decision to attempt to find her another home, a friend showed me some training techniques with a clicker. She was using it to teach her not to jump up anymore. It worked so well and quickly that I started using it to see if it would help with our pottying outside situation. Ironically, I think it worked..... so now our biggest problem with keeping Molly is gone! But Anna now has her heart set on two new kitties- an orange one named Max and a black one named..well to be determined. And Adam has his heart set on no dog and no more of me being mad about having to deal with her and no more of Anna screaming. Poor Adam. And of course, I am kinda thinking I'd like to keep Molly now....
I'll keep you updated.... :)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I am a bad couponer
I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I was going to attempt couponing and that I would report back on how it went. I haven't reported back because it has went...well it mostly went away. I really gave it some good attempts- got my coupon folder, printed off tons of coupons, faithfully checked my websites, watched the how to videos, and so on and so forth. I shopped at Dillons because several people swore that I'd save a ton of money. When I got to the checkout counter I was $100 higher than I normally am at Walmart...so apparently I did something wrong there. ARGH!!! I just want to save some money- why must this be so difficult!
DARN IT!!!
Shall I reattempt this?
DARN IT!!!
Shall I reattempt this?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring cleaning
How I detest cleaning :)
I do however like the feel of a clean and organized house. The confusion and clutter that overtakes my home is maddening. Spring break seems like a good time to address some of it. I can't promise all of it, but thanks to my great friend Tedra I have a fantastic start! Tedra is one of those friends that you can count on for just about anything. Even helping you start your spring cleaning! Hopefully she wasn't too horrified ;) She even fixed a drawer in my bathroom that has been messed up for centuries.
So bedroom and bathroom are sparkling clean. Kitchen windows and shades are washed on the inside. (question btw- how the heck do you get doublepaned windows cleaned on the inside? I have somehow managed to get condensation in between several of my big windows and it looks terrible...and I have no idea how or if you can remove it-grrrr) Birdfeeders are up- yea! Come on back yellow finches! My deck is ready for flowers and veggies to be planted. I am in the middle of tackling my desk and scrapbooking area. My curtains are in the wash as we speak. Actually, I've washed almost every piece of clothing we own over the weekend and today. Of course, as I clean, all the things I'd like to get and do and replace are floating all around my brain. Ah... "after nursing school" is going to be a wonderland of buying!
I guess I'll finish up my desk tonight, work on my calender, work on bills and some paperwork, and organize some school stuff. This was an enormously boring post so I won't post any more blogs on the rest of my spring cleaning. I promise.
I do however like the feel of a clean and organized house. The confusion and clutter that overtakes my home is maddening. Spring break seems like a good time to address some of it. I can't promise all of it, but thanks to my great friend Tedra I have a fantastic start! Tedra is one of those friends that you can count on for just about anything. Even helping you start your spring cleaning! Hopefully she wasn't too horrified ;) She even fixed a drawer in my bathroom that has been messed up for centuries.
So bedroom and bathroom are sparkling clean. Kitchen windows and shades are washed on the inside. (question btw- how the heck do you get doublepaned windows cleaned on the inside? I have somehow managed to get condensation in between several of my big windows and it looks terrible...and I have no idea how or if you can remove it-grrrr) Birdfeeders are up- yea! Come on back yellow finches! My deck is ready for flowers and veggies to be planted. I am in the middle of tackling my desk and scrapbooking area. My curtains are in the wash as we speak. Actually, I've washed almost every piece of clothing we own over the weekend and today. Of course, as I clean, all the things I'd like to get and do and replace are floating all around my brain. Ah... "after nursing school" is going to be a wonderland of buying!
I guess I'll finish up my desk tonight, work on my calender, work on bills and some paperwork, and organize some school stuff. This was an enormously boring post so I won't post any more blogs on the rest of my spring cleaning. I promise.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Apparently I'm grumpy
So apparently I've crossed the line from slightly burnt out and tired to straight up ugly. If anyone around me feels like they have flown a little too close to the burning sun that is my mood at the moment I am so sorry. Really I am. :) I can only blame utter exhaustion and nursing school and various other forms of so much darkness. Tomorrow at 3 I am officially on Spring Break so I shall try to shed the blah.
So much craziness since I last blogged. One beautiful sweet and precious note in amongst the madness- my baby niece Katelyn made her appearance into this world. She is just completely beautiful! Here's a picture...
She gave everyone a good scare at birth but all is well now and she is healthy and at home. I'm sure she'll be making the occasional appearance in pictures here. I have some cute ones of her and Anna but those haven't made it from my camera to my computer as of yet. My sister has a blog as well - I'll have to link it to mine. My sister's friend has taken some darling newborn pictures of her and I'm sure they'll be on there.
Her cousin Anna alternates between crying because she doesn't want to leave "her" Katelyn and crying because "Katelyn is more special then me now". That was a heartbreaking conversation tonight. Poor baby- it's hard to share after 4 and a half years! :)
Anna is on Spring Break this week too. We have some fun activities planned for mommy and Anna time. I'm looking forward already to summer (minus the heat- yuck!) and to projects and activities with Anna. We're going to set up our back porch again into a haven for plants, animals, and a newly 5 year old alike. I unclenched the other day and bought a bird feeder that I've been wanting for a while. Anna and I like to watch the yellow finches that come to visit. We're making more animal posters and planning visits to the zoo and the pools and all kinds of other fun little girl things! I promised her she could dye a small piece of her hair pink and a small piece blue for the summer and she is crazy excited about that. I'm signing her up for swim lessons starting in a few weeks so I can take her to the big pool, toss her in, and then read my book for hours on end! She'll be doing gymnastics again this summer and she has requested to add in Karate as well. Sounds like we'll be very busy! Good busy though.
My school is keeping me busier than ever. This semester is crazy complicated because they have us going a thousand and one different directions every week. We keep switching the floors we're on and we have 4 observations we had to do- and I signed up for 2 additional ones. It's just such great experience for me that I couldn't pass them up even though they come with enormous hassle and a large assignment. I got to attempt two iv starts this week- missed one and hit one. Boo ... and Yea! :) I'm in mental health at the moment and I don't love it. I was tempted to just crawl into one of their open beds on the unit this last week and just tell them to keep me on as a patient. I go to Med Surg last- oncology and neurology. Super nervous because of the dreaded words "clinical contract" that has a girl from last semester repeating 3rd with us this semester. For a mistake that I don't THINK I'd ever make but man all she really did was go with what her nurse (not instructor) told her was ok on a medication instead of verifying it herself. Yikes... you just never know in the hurry what is gonna happen. We have so so much paperwork and busy work assignments- assignments and quizzes and exams and case studies. Never ending. I hope and pray I pass this clinical this semester! I had a dream last night about an tornado (my standard repeating theme whenever I'm super super anxious) and then right after the tornado in the SAME DREAM all my bottom teeth just fell out one by one! I was trying so hard to stick them back in the sockets (so gross, right?) and hoping they'd stay and they just wouldn't! ugh..that was just horrible.
I made some yummy bread today from a recipe of my mother-in-law. She's a really really good cook but she assured me this was easy to make so I attempted it. The first batch was just ok- a little heavy. This batch today was delicious. I took it to a friend's and they report only good things. :) and Anna and my dad apparently ate almost the entire half I brought him in the car while it was still warm. So that one is going to go on my list of yummy foods to occasionally share with friends and family. I've always wanted to be one of those people that just randomly stops by and brings people yummy treats but the lack of cooking talent and the lack of time r/t nursing school keeps me from my goal. Perhaps cooking classes after nursing school is finished?
So much craziness since I last blogged. One beautiful sweet and precious note in amongst the madness- my baby niece Katelyn made her appearance into this world. She is just completely beautiful! Here's a picture...
Her cousin Anna alternates between crying because she doesn't want to leave "her" Katelyn and crying because "Katelyn is more special then me now". That was a heartbreaking conversation tonight. Poor baby- it's hard to share after 4 and a half years! :)
Anna is on Spring Break this week too. We have some fun activities planned for mommy and Anna time. I'm looking forward already to summer (minus the heat- yuck!) and to projects and activities with Anna. We're going to set up our back porch again into a haven for plants, animals, and a newly 5 year old alike. I unclenched the other day and bought a bird feeder that I've been wanting for a while. Anna and I like to watch the yellow finches that come to visit. We're making more animal posters and planning visits to the zoo and the pools and all kinds of other fun little girl things! I promised her she could dye a small piece of her hair pink and a small piece blue for the summer and she is crazy excited about that. I'm signing her up for swim lessons starting in a few weeks so I can take her to the big pool, toss her in, and then read my book for hours on end! She'll be doing gymnastics again this summer and she has requested to add in Karate as well. Sounds like we'll be very busy! Good busy though.
My school is keeping me busier than ever. This semester is crazy complicated because they have us going a thousand and one different directions every week. We keep switching the floors we're on and we have 4 observations we had to do- and I signed up for 2 additional ones. It's just such great experience for me that I couldn't pass them up even though they come with enormous hassle and a large assignment. I got to attempt two iv starts this week- missed one and hit one. Boo ... and Yea! :) I'm in mental health at the moment and I don't love it. I was tempted to just crawl into one of their open beds on the unit this last week and just tell them to keep me on as a patient. I go to Med Surg last- oncology and neurology. Super nervous because of the dreaded words "clinical contract" that has a girl from last semester repeating 3rd with us this semester. For a mistake that I don't THINK I'd ever make but man all she really did was go with what her nurse (not instructor) told her was ok on a medication instead of verifying it herself. Yikes... you just never know in the hurry what is gonna happen. We have so so much paperwork and busy work assignments- assignments and quizzes and exams and case studies. Never ending. I hope and pray I pass this clinical this semester! I had a dream last night about an tornado (my standard repeating theme whenever I'm super super anxious) and then right after the tornado in the SAME DREAM all my bottom teeth just fell out one by one! I was trying so hard to stick them back in the sockets (so gross, right?) and hoping they'd stay and they just wouldn't! ugh..that was just horrible.
I made some yummy bread today from a recipe of my mother-in-law. She's a really really good cook but she assured me this was easy to make so I attempted it. The first batch was just ok- a little heavy. This batch today was delicious. I took it to a friend's and they report only good things. :) and Anna and my dad apparently ate almost the entire half I brought him in the car while it was still warm. So that one is going to go on my list of yummy foods to occasionally share with friends and family. I've always wanted to be one of those people that just randomly stops by and brings people yummy treats but the lack of cooking talent and the lack of time r/t nursing school keeps me from my goal. Perhaps cooking classes after nursing school is finished?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
short post
Short post tonight as it's the night before clinical and I really should be doing nothing but prep work...
Tomorrow: Newborn Nursery! woo hoo! gotta get some practice before my precious niece gets here!
Precious niece: coming soon! March 10th (or sooner if Stacey would just get in gear- hehe)
Current mood: actually pretty grumpy and discouraged thank you very much.
Still to do tonight: 1 drug card and a few small changes to 2 more, shower, get clinical supplies ready, get Anna ready, get Anna's lunch ready, get Anna's clothes laid out for tomorrow, get Anna's bag ready, finish any remaining housework that needs done.....fall exhausted into bed.
Thoughts about postpartum floor: loved it- want to work there at some point- don't care if its the lazy floor or if that makes me a loser for not being the rock star nurse
Aggravated about: so many things...among them tuition schedule changes and the fact that they keep scheduling field trips on Wednesdays when I can't go...and ...people...certain people...oh and definitely hygiene/dental presentations to 4th graders at a local elementary school - ugh that is such a yuck assignment.
to do this week: too much to even type here
Molly- could fall under the the aggravated about category
Lower back, rear end, and down my leg: hurts
Sickness: better!
Need: girl night- any volunteers?
Tomorrow: Newborn Nursery! woo hoo! gotta get some practice before my precious niece gets here!
Precious niece: coming soon! March 10th (or sooner if Stacey would just get in gear- hehe)
Current mood: actually pretty grumpy and discouraged thank you very much.
Still to do tonight: 1 drug card and a few small changes to 2 more, shower, get clinical supplies ready, get Anna ready, get Anna's lunch ready, get Anna's clothes laid out for tomorrow, get Anna's bag ready, finish any remaining housework that needs done.....fall exhausted into bed.
Thoughts about postpartum floor: loved it- want to work there at some point- don't care if its the lazy floor or if that makes me a loser for not being the rock star nurse
Aggravated about: so many things...among them tuition schedule changes and the fact that they keep scheduling field trips on Wednesdays when I can't go...and ...people...certain people...oh and definitely hygiene/dental presentations to 4th graders at a local elementary school - ugh that is such a yuck assignment.
to do this week: too much to even type here
Molly- could fall under the the aggravated about category
Lower back, rear end, and down my leg: hurts
Sickness: better!
Need: girl night- any volunteers?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Labor and Delivery
Labor and Delivery clinical was AWESOME- I really want to do my last half of clinical mgmt there next semester. We shall see if that works out. I got to watch a woman labor from the beginning of my shift to about 2 when she had her precious baby boy with me in there watching the whole thing! Those nurses up there are so incredible. I was really, really impressed by their skill. They go from totally calm and talking about their day to top speed action in the blink of an eye and then right back down to no big deal calmness! Next week I go to the postpartum unit. I am very much looking forward to this unit as it is another area I think I might like to work. I had to laugh because my instructor told me that it has a bit of a reputation as a lazy nursing floor because most of the patients are happy and healthy and looking forward to going home quickly with their new little ones. After all this work I don't want the reputation of being a lazy nurse! Ha! But I do really love the new babies and new mommas and being involved in their care. And the nurses that were with me right after I had Anna are the ones that initially inspired me to go into nursing in the first place. So, I guess we'll see where life leads me- and if it leads me to postpartum then I'll just be happy being a lazy nurse on a super happy floor! The super crazy action floors like ER never appealed to me anyway - although I have GREAT respect for those that work them. Just... not for me. Give me the pregnant ladies, happy mommas, new babies, or the older population every time!
Monday, February 7, 2011
School
Up to my ears in school and other things. Everyone being sick has put me so far behind I can barely even see where I need to be! I'd like to say I'll catch up all that housework and homework and everything tomorrow but I have a clinical prep and a few more drug cards and a computer something or other to do up at school and all this will pretty much take up my entire day. Then I'm hoping the snow will hold off or at least not be horrendous cause Wednesday is my clinical in labor and delivery!!! Then I'll sleep all day thursday and friday from sickness and exhaustion...yeah right!!! Hopefully I'll be spending those days catching everything up so we can have a normal (well as normal as we get with me in school...so not so normal at all) household again.
Anna's been up to all kinds of things and I need to get them all written down as this ole' blog here serves as some of my recording of her day to day life. Next blog!
Anna's been up to all kinds of things and I need to get them all written down as this ole' blog here serves as some of my recording of her day to day life. Next blog!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The dreaded flu caught us
Anna was sick a few weeks ago with just a slight cold or something. In my usual worrisome state, I took her to the doctor to make sure it wasn't strep or something. My mom said something along the lines of "I just don't think she's sick enough for it to be something like strep..." and I didn't really know what she meant. Cause Anna hadn't ever really been super sick since she was a tiny baby. However, I know now!!! My goodness, what a sick little girl she has been! And this was just the flu! I cannot even imagine what parents of seriously ill children go through. She was sick for 7 days straight with the flu and then double ear infections and a throat infection just to top things off. Fevers in the high 103's, laying on the couch most of time, snotty nose, stuffy nose, ouchy throat, body aches, irritated eyes, restlessness, crazy sleeping for hours on end, terrible cough, yikes. I'm so glad she's getting better. I think the worst night was when I woke up to give her medicine, she sat up, cried about having to take it, then her nose started streaming blood (first time for me) and when she opened her mouth it was all bloody inside and her poor eyes were so red that they looked for a minute like they were bleeding!!! Holy cow, I screamed for Adam which of course scared him to death. Geez..... that took about 10 years off my life. Even after I figured out it was just a bloody nose and not some awful side effect of a terrible fever or underlying illness...ugh... enough of that. After that night Adam called his friends, Laurie and Steve, a nurse practitioner and an EMT, to come to our rescue. They ever so kindly came in the middle of our blizzard and looked her over, diagnosed the double ear infections and throat infection and called us in medicine to treat her. She is doing so much better. Laurie is so my hero- I want to be her as a nurse. Smart smart lady.
So, now that Anna is recovering, Adam is sick and I feel yucky myself... however, I must get back to my studies and all the other stuff that has piled up the last week. My house is a disaster, the laundry is mostly done but all piled up and needing put away, I have a test on Monday that I haven't even looked at, 4 case studies that have to be done tonight, about 10 more that need done by Monday, so many chapters to read that I literally don't know if I can get it done, bills to pay and organize, an incredibly messy desk, Katelyn's letters for her room to decorate - am hoping for some inspiration to hit on those! and various other things to get done asap. So, with that said, I shall depart to begin work on case studies! good night!
So, now that Anna is recovering, Adam is sick and I feel yucky myself... however, I must get back to my studies and all the other stuff that has piled up the last week. My house is a disaster, the laundry is mostly done but all piled up and needing put away, I have a test on Monday that I haven't even looked at, 4 case studies that have to be done tonight, about 10 more that need done by Monday, so many chapters to read that I literally don't know if I can get it done, bills to pay and organize, an incredibly messy desk, Katelyn's letters for her room to decorate - am hoping for some inspiration to hit on those! and various other things to get done asap. So, with that said, I shall depart to begin work on case studies! good night!
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