Me

I wanted to write a short little blurb about me really fast. Several of my friends have expressed concern for me and wishes that I get to stay here (:

I just wanted to say that while I have had one cry fest, some pretty hurt feelings in the last few months, and two (count 'em- one, two) pretty bad anxiety attacks, overall, doing pretty well. Especially for me! To be clear, I do not want to move. I want to stay here with my wonderful family and friends in my house that I love in the town that I am familiar with and carry out all the fun plans that Julie and I have made for the kiddos this summer. I am still scared of the thought of moving to a new place where I know no one and downsizing to an apt for a while and trying to make all new friends and find a new church, and finding a buyer for our house, etc etc. However, I am at peace with both possibilities. I have been reading several books by my adopted Pastor Greg Boyd and completing some great Bible studies that have pounded some wonderful truths into my thick skull. Sometimes the message seemed to literally leap off the page and hit me right between they eyes! And a few times, I just wanted to say "just leave me alone in my anger and anxiety!" But I am learning to lean on God more and more for my comfort. I can't promise there will be no more tears if I do move because sometimes you have to drag me kicking and screaming. But slowly and surely, I am feeling peaceful. I am sure there will be a few people out there who have witnessed some tears that will point and say "obviously not". And that is ok. I have to go at my own pace (I have learned that this is a process and has ups and downs and slip-ups along the way) and let God be the one that ministers to my hurting heart (and my hurt feelings). I know I am growing and learning and hopefully becoming closer to the woman that God wants me to be. Because in the end, that is what I truly with my whole heart want to be. And if moving is in my future than I am praying that God will work miracles in my heart and mind while I am out of my comfort zone. And if staying here is in my future than I pray that God will work miracles in my heart and mind in spite of my comfort zone! Change my heart, God! Please change my heart! Get rid of the ugliness that persists in lurking there and replace it with You.

I came across this Scripture which I have read a thousand times before and was deeply touched by the sincerity of Paul's words. I pray that someday I get to the point where I also can say this ... and mean it!

Phillippians 3:8-9 "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which is through faith in Christ- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."