Funkytown

Wow, here I appear again- out of the blue. Been in a funk. All men reading will be thinking "quit being a baby". All women will be thinking "girl- I have been there!"

So much catching up to do on here. Especially since one day I plan on printing all these out for my adoring public own self to keep for all eternity.

So obviously, I'm out of school for the summer. Woo hoo! I find these feelings of happiness to not be in class rather disturbing. If I keep on this way the happiness will turn into euphoria and then obviously hell would have frozen over. I do have a small Bible class this June and a correspondence Human Growth and Development class to tide me over til fall. At least so far the Old Testament class seems to be pretty much covering the very basics of the Bible story so got that already in my brain. The correspondence course you just do at your own pace which I'm pretty sure I'll LOVE. This last semester was super frustrating for me because it seemed so slow paced as far as getting the actual information and assignments. The rest of it flew by so fast I could barely keep up. I got my A's btw. Barely. By like 6 pts in Pharmacology. All my friends but one passed as well. I've heard 2nd semester is way worse. ;)

Anna had a great birthday. Bike, swimming, scooter, parties, aquarium and more. I can't believe my baby girl is 4. All kinds of wrong. I got some cute pictures of our new 4 year old. I can't wait to see what my mother-in-law got as well. She takes beautiful pictures and she shot most of the party with the Wallaces. She LOVES that bike and scooter.

Anna also got ...wait for it... a PUPPY! for her birthday. She has been asking for one for about forever. And mommy guilt and worry pushed me over the edge into puppytown as well as funkytown. Her name is Molly. Molly is just her own post altogether. Maybe several posts. Maybe her own blog. :) No, actually she's settling in well for the most part. Well, my rest from organizing is almost over- gotta harvest my cucumbers... not real ones- I dropped the ball bigtime on the planting this summer- just my farmville cucumbers. Then off to more house stuff.

White flag

If you were looking in my direction you'd see a big ole white flag being waved. I'm that tired. I've actually had thoughts like "what if I just refused to finish the semester?" and "Maybe if I staged a nervous breakdown they'd let me sleep..." My house is a disaster, the last month (well year really)  has been a crazy roller coaster in just about every aspect of life, I miss my sister-in-law, I miss having a friend to hang out with, I'm on a serious diet, trying to walk every night, am way behind on homework, test preparation, and laundry, I need to go get new contacts because my only remaining pair tried to scratch my eyes out, I have yet to even call on preschool for Anna next semester, my toilet is broken, my dishwasher is broken, Anna scribbled on her brand new khaki's with colored pencils,  I still have to sign up for my correspondence course this summer, download a bunch of pictures of Anna, buy my book for my Bible class in June, and put away the rest of the groceries that we just bought. I think I need a life assistant. :)

What a pretty day!

Just came in from playing outside with Anna. I think she spent most of the day outside between my sister and I. Man that girl loves outside! I have some cute picture to prove it but again with the undownloaded adobe...

If I did have the ability to post some of them, you'd see pictures of her dancing with the bubbles (the wind was perfect for big bubble wands), pulling flowers off our pear tree, drawing picture with chalk, calling for her bug Howard to "come back Howard! Its the girl that picked you up and put you in the purple bucket! Come on, come back to me!" at the top of her lungs. I don't like this new picking up every bug she sees thing. I thought that was boys? Ugh and shudder. I don't mind snakes or lizards.... I hate bugs. Except lightning bugs and butterflies. She is very much looking forward to lightning bug time- anyone know when they start appearing around here? Anyways, back to the pretty day- it was SO nice out. I'm so glad she can be outside again. I'm trying to find that balance between good sunscreen coverage so there's no horrific burn and the fish belly white alternative. I'm so afeared that I'll forget one day and she'll burn like her daddy does and blister and just yuck. I just thought, you know, my cousin from CA occasionally reads this blog and she maybe doesn't know how sarcastic I am at times so I'll clarify that I do know that "afeared" isn't a real word.... anywho again... my brain is making leaps all over the place today. I have a lot of things percolating in there- scary right? I need to sit down and make my list that I haven't made yet. Not having your list of things to do all written up isn't a good start to getting things done in a timely fashion is it? I am so tempted to actually save up some cash (so I don't feel guilty for spending it on something I should be doing myself) and pay someone to come in and totally clean every freaking square inch of my house. Cause dang - I REALLY don't want to do spring cleaning. And of course it needs it. I am beyond aggravated that every time I turn around something else is destroyed that two seconds ago was clean. I think I've mentioned that already on here for the last 10 blogs. It's just so frustrating! If I could just get it all done to perfection then maybe I could maintain it better. Anyone know a good cleaning person? :)
Ok off to make several lists. Seriously this time- I'm getting started...right now...

5 things

I'm looking forward to:
~a break
~some changes
~hands on experience at the hospital
~Anna's birthday trip to the aquarium
~getting my scholarship money so I can pamper myself a little :)


I miss:
~scrapbooking
~a beautiful sparkling clean house every day
~veg out time
~my friends
~running and actually being in shape enough to enjoy it

I need to:
~make my health/well-being a top priority
~study, study, study for the rest of the semester
~get motivated!
~get my pictures under control
~find better things to blog about

I am thankful for:
~Anna ... and a husband that works so hard so I can be home with her
~family
~new friends
~new possibilities
~my free time today courtesy of my wonderful sister...wonderful and fantastic sister

Things I absolutely MUST do today:
~make a to do list for the next few months
~put away laundry
~study
~pick up the house
~go to the store

No title tonight- too bad if you dont like it!

Trying out a new background- not sure I like it. Let me know what you think... or if you care
 *edited- background did NOT take.... all my text colors changed successsfully so that was irritating putting all those back.... I'll try again later....

Passed my second set of skills checkoffs. Whew. and yea!

We go to the hospital officially Monday- woo hoo! I'm so excited! I am officially cleared to do IV therapy, pass meds, put in a catheter, do vital signs, etc etc. With supervision of course ;)

I'm currently arguing with my professor over one point on a test. I'm rather irate over it. Irate over the fact that she totally screwed me on this point...and aggravated that I have to care about one stinking point! She said all she can say is that she's "considering it"-geez whatever- just give me the point lady- my answer came straight off YOUR dadblame notes!

I'm playing a LOT of farmville these days...

My sister passed her boards- yea Stacey! We're all super happy for you!

life is weird and ironic at times....and irritating

Anna cried the other night because we rearranged her sleeping areas 3 times, then she wanted to go back to the first one. When I asked her why she got out of it in the first place she said it was because she didn't realize she was being rude to herself! ha!

The first time I hooked up iv tubing, I remembered to clamp all but one of the clamps and then saline solution started flooding out of the firehose they call iv tubing, then my hands got wet and all slipperly and I kept dropping the tubing and then once I got ahold of the tubing, I couldn't grab ahold of the clamp. I think I emptied like half the bag of saline all over the floor and dummy arm before I finally got it stopped....that was fun.

I told Anna no more Easter candy today and she looked at me then spun around and walked rather quickly adn purposefully to her playroom. She "disappeared" from view for a few seconds then came calmly walking back in. Probably would have gotten away with it if she didn't smell like she'd just bathed in chocolate sauce. Apparently she stashed back a few chocolate eggs for an emergency such as this.

The Office is just really funny. Seriously.

I guess that's all folks. :)

Wise words

Had a nice talk with a friend tonight. This post will make my husband slap his forehead, sigh, and say "haven't I told you that a million times? Why don't you ever listen to ME?" ha!

Anyways, she basically told me to calm down and quit being so freaking obsessive. :) Grade-wise I mean. Ok, more than just grade wise but that was what we were talking about specifically. I don't know where this compulsion to be perfect grade wise came from but it is WEARING ME DOWN man. Like to the point that I am having horrible anxiety when I go to pick up my notes for a test because "what if it doesn't go stick in my head!?!" and "What if I don't study the right things!?!" and "OMG, WHAT IF I DON'T MAKE AN .....gulp....A!?!" I've actually starting putting off studying til the last minute - not because I just don't want to study (cause obviously, I am a nerd and I enjoy studying....) but because I am so freaking anxious about it!  Dont' get me wrong- I've had numerous people over the years tell me to slow down, not freak out so much, not be such a perfectionist with my grades, it's all the same degree even with B's, and my favorite "C's equal degrees!" It's just that in the past I could keep up with the frantic-ness of test times because that's all there was to what I was doing. This is just ... different. And I've also sacrificed (as Adam will gladly attest to) a lot of myself in the process. So, all that to say.... I've decided to take everyone's advice... and while of course trying to do my best and get my A's that I love so dearly, I am also going to HAVE to stop worrying so dang much about it and enjoy the process a little more... put some more time into other healthy habits that will only further my brain power :) and also some more time into things that make me happy. Cause dang... I'm gonna end up locked in the crazy house if I don't find another way to handle all this.

*official credit given to Adam for trying over and over to drill this into my head for years and years*

oh and since apparently it wasn't completely obvious *official credit given to Adam for telling me what the problem was with my gloves in a previous post*   :) I'm gonna have to start listening to him more- as irritating as that is..... I hate it when he's right.

Spring break approaches!

Two more tests, 3 more days of class/clinicals-then a break! Yea! I can so use it- for real. Like right now. I'll settle for in a week. I have several projects brewing in this brain of mine- and only one of them is for school. Luckily that one is almost done due to smart thinking and non-procrastinating on our parts.  :) I think it will surprise no one that housecleaning and organizing is top o' the list! I swear I organized every inch of this house before I started school. I distinctly remember doing it. And yet somehow, its like a tornado ripped through my home and threw everything in different rooms, drawers, closets, and cabinets. Talented tornado. I HATE feeling disorganized. I always have the best of intentions after a good organizing fit that I will never again fail to put something back, clean as I go, and prevent messes before they get out of hand. Not really sure what happens there.... I just went in to pick up Anna's room before bedtime and it is such a disaster area that all I can really do is pick it up to make it technically "tidy". Cause it would take several hours to put each and every small and teeny tiny toy, animal, phone, sock, doll, paper, bottle, necklace, pom-pom, and letter magnet back in the specific spot that it belongs as opposed to just whatever toy box or drawer is nearest. I'm one of those people that really much prefers every toy to be with toys of that general (or sometimes quite specific) nature. For instance, her 3,472 little toy animals all belong in one of 3 small boxes underneath her Little People Zoo. And all doll related items and dolls themselves belong in the closet- either nicely laid in cribs or in the highchair or in the toy box in the for that purpose. All all toy kitchen items belong nicely put into whichever area of said kitchen that I have designated for them- ie root vegetables in the bottom basket, fruit in a bowl on the counter, cold items in the fridge. It all makes sense. I guess just not to an almost 4 year old! :)

This is realistically the only project I will have time for over a weeklong break considering the fact that I really do need some rest. That is said with as little overdramatization as possible. I'm exhausted. I will admit to being one of those people that really likes to sleep and sometimes I do overstate my need for rest. Not so much this time. And Anna really does need some good momma/Anna time. And some outdoor play time. Poor kid- she is ready to play at a park for several days in a row! I hope its nice so we can fit some of that in. Maybe it'll even be nice enough for the zoo- she'd love that!

Maybe I'll have time to at least get a start on some of the other things I would like to do between now and next fall. I want to completely redo my kitchen and living room decor. The playroom needs some tweaking as my memory board didn't hold the pictures as well as I'd like. Some extra glue should take care of that. This summer I am painting the entire house. I know- ugh. But it REALLY needs it BAD. Same basic color scheme except in the hall bathroom. Will probably change the main wall colors just a tad. I have big ideas for working with Anna this summer- Adam got a book to help me teach her how to read. I read well myself so you'd think I'd having teaching someone else to read down pat. Not so- I have absolutely no idea how to proceed. She knows her letters, knows a lot of what they say, is learning how to write them (and doing quite well if I do say so myself). Now we just need to put it all together! We're also going to learn all about animals this summer-so I need to sit down and work up some sort of a basic lesson plan to keep me on track. Anyway, all that to say, that I have lots of things I can be pondering on over the break to get a jump start on the summer.

I won't lie though- I'm doing some being lazy over break too. If it's nice I'm letting Anna run wild outside while I sit in my comfy outside chairs with a book. Ahh..... I love breaks!

Changes

This probably isn't a normal blog I'd let "out there" but it's kinda giving me writers block. Every time I sit down to blog, all I can think to type is what seems to be dwelling in that deep inside part of you that makes your stomach hurt, and your brain tired. Maybe if I actually give it voice, write it down, then the sharpness of it will begin to work itself out.

This seems to be a huge time of change in my life. Not something I've ever been a huge fan of- Change. Some of the changes are good- great even. And I'm so thankful for those. Those are the ones I usually try to talk about. This time though....  I think I need to talk about the ones that are crappy.

I'm missing parts and pieces of some major friendships that I have deeply cherished. Some of it is from time, some of it is from circumstances moving people physically away from me, some of it is just from people and lives changing. None of it is anyone's fault, I'm not naive- I realize life happens. Sometimes I can see down the road a bit further and I think that maybe it will all be for good eventually. Force me out of my shell, force me to make some good changes in myself, make room for new friendships. But for right now it does still suck. And it makes me sad. I just miss the way things were.

So there's my little whine. Sorry for being sad publicly. But's its still my blog....and sometimes its my outlet.

Essay

I wrote this essay a few months ago for a scholarship for my nursing program. They sent out invitations to eligible people in the program then we had to provide letters of recommendation and an essay on why we wanted to be a nurse. Of course I managed to see only the part requesting an essay and set it aside to do a couple weeks before it was due. When I went to write the essay, I realized I had to have letters. Panic! I almost didn't even mess with it. That is a crazy thought. I did however, scramble around frantically and bother a bunch of people I have worked for, worked with, or been taught by. I am so grateful to everyone that wrote recomendations for me. After we turned all that in, 5 people were chosen for an interview. I had my interview this last Tuesday. There were 10 different people interviewing me- both from the college and from the hospital. The man that left the money to the hospital "had a soft spot" for nurses and left a multi-million dollar fund to educate nurses. It was interesting to meet everyone associated with the school and hospital.

I thought I'd post my winning essay on here. Since I'm sharing all stress and exhaustion and joy and embarrassment, I figured I'd share why I'm doing it all as well!

I became interested in a nursing career while I was pregnant with my daughter. The care I received from nurses during my pregnancy deeply impressed me. I felt drawn to the profession and the possibility of ministry to women in need of a nurse they could feel comfortable with during a very emotional and vulnerable time. The seed of possibility was planted.

As I researched the profession and searched my own heart, I became even more excited about the avenues of both outreach and personal fulfillment that nursing offers. During this time, my grandfather became ill and was in and out of the hospital. Our family was thrown into the midst of the worry and uncertainty that inevitably follows hand in hand with a loved one's illness. We saw many nurses and aides during his stays and I gained a better understanding of just how great an impact that a nurse can have on the patient and the family.

I began my prerequisite classes with a quaking heart and fear in my throat that I would not be able to complete my classes after all the years out of college. I was excited, relieved and exhilarated to find that not only was I able to keep up with the work, I was able to excel. My second semester I completed my first anatomy and physiology class and I was completely hooked. I loved the coursework and the details of the human body.

Last summer, my beloved grandfather passed away after what was supposed to be a routine procedure. He was in the hospital and beginning to recover when his heart stopped. The team at the hospital that night was able to get his heart restarted but he never regained consciousness. We sat by his bedside for a few final days. The nurse in his critical care unit made the biggest impression on me. She was so very compassionate while dealing with the family and incredibly gentle and caring towards a man that in all actuality probably never even knew she was there. She was honest with me about his condition, but she spoke with such genuine empathy. I was so grateful to her for the concern she showed for my grandpa and for the dignity with which she accorded to him, even when he was unable to do one single thing for himself. This experience left me with a profound desire not only to be a nurse, but also to minister to people that are in need, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I continue to be incredibly excited about the different possibilities that a career in nursing offers. I hope to continue to learn throughout my career and to be able to hold onto the excitement that I feel now. My goal moving forward is to become both an excellent nurse and a compassionate caretaker to every patient. I believe this is the ministry that I have been called to and I sincerely hope that I never take that for granted.

Random

I have started around 6 different blogs that I lose inspiration for about 3 sentences in.... very irritating. They're all good ideas and I will get around to them eventually. I think I'm just tired. Well I know I'm tired- I think that's the reason I can't finish anything. Poor Anna has two very tired parents these days- Adam is working crazy hours at work and doesn't get much of a break. And I'm running around like a crazy person for school 3 days a week and the other four days are filled with Anna activities and other things that also make me run around like a crazy person. I think I"m already ready for spring break and then summer break. I do love my classes and such but its just constant - always something due or something to study..... or something to clean. Such is the life of a combo mom and student.  

Anna is becoming quite the big girl on me. Sometimes I look at her and she seems like a completely different child. She's crazy tall- mom had to sew some material at the end of her jeans because she grew out of them lengthwise but isn't big enough in the waist and butt to keep the next sizes up. Ah to have that problem myself. The pants turned out super cute- my favorites are the ones with the striped pink and white material. A-dor-able. She is learning so much these days- mom and I are doing workbooks with her several times a week- writing ABC's, her name, learning to add, connecting the dots, finding the one that's different. I'm so proud of her - she loves to do her "homework" and she does it really well. I'm pretty convinced she's a genius ;)  Some days its hard to believe the things that come out of that girl's mouth- she absorbs almost everything you tell her and she remembers it. She loves her gymnastics class and she LOVES her friends. We are both looking forward to summer when she can get out and run run run with all her friends.

School's going well- we learned to put in catheters this week. Yikes. Made an idiot of myself again. I'm not sure how it is that I can do the hard stuff almost perfectly.... and yet I can't get my sterile gloves on.... yep. That was embarrassing. Sterile gloves come all neatly packaged and you can only touch the outer one inch of the package when you open them. Then you can only touch the insides of the gloves when you put them on. Not that hard really. I did ok the first 2 times I practiced at school. Came home to practice and every da*n (doesn't count if you spell it or if you put a * in place of one of the letters) time one or more of my fingers would get completely stuck in the wrong finger of the glove. What the hell!!!! And it only seemed to happen on my left hand- the right one goes on just fine. Frustrating- seriously. Then Adam gets involved. Of course he is completely wrong about what the problem was. Obviously. So I go to clinical practice yesterday and make an idiot of myself trying to put them on in front of the instructor. She just looks at me completely puzzled and says "I've just never seen that happen before.... I guess just keep practicing?" Always what you want to hear. So I practice and practice- happens every time. Finally I mention that my husband had said something to the effect that it looked like I was either putting the wrong glove on the wrong hand or that I had one inside out since the thumbs looked like they were laying wrong. Now when you first open the sterile gloves they have powder on the inside but after you take them on and off a few times the powder is pretty much gone. So my instructor grabs my gloves, inspects them, and announces that in fact I DO have the left one inside out (I think the devil sneaked in my bag and turned it inside out just to torture me). We flip that bad boy around and well look at that.... slides right on. Sigh.

No big plans for today aside from housework, homework, laundry, and maybe some rest cause I feel like maybe the half of the school and instructors that have been hacking all over everything during class have finally succeeded in dragging me down with them. Ugh. I hate being sick.